My Soft Rebellion

Episode Transcript:

Hey everyone. So, my name is Rida and I started posting videos on Instagram talking about how I quit smoking pot after smoking for 10 years straight. And I get a lot of questions about how I was able to just stop one day. And that’s still something I am learning as I go.

It’s only been a month, of course, so I’m still learning myself. But I did a lot to even just get to this point. And so I wanted to talk about how prepared myself to even begin to let go of this crutch that I have been leaning on for 10 years of my life. So I think I’m going to get into four different areas. Number one will be somatic release. Number two diet, number three my relationship to God. And number four is mindset. So getting into the first part of this episode, let’s talk about somatic release. 

So as someone who grew up inside a very traumatic household, I was physically abused verbally. Throw in some religious trauma in there. Like  I’ve pretty much dealt with it all and dealt with stuff that I haven’t really even talked about online yet cuz I don’t really want to. So there’s still a lot of stuff that I myself am working through. 

But in order to even attempt to get into the headspace of quitting, something that I was using for so long, was somatic release. And this was done first and foremost by a lot of body scan meditations.

For those of you who don’t know what a body scan meditation is, it’s essentially someone who guides you through every single part of your body. I’m talking every fiber and muscle, head to toe. Eyelids, eyes, cheeks, jaws, collar bones, stomach, intestines to your little tippy toes. And basically doing these meditations where someone would name out every single part of my body and guide me through the sensation in each part of my body, it allowed me to connect to my body in a way that I just did not know I needed. And it allowed me to build a relationship with myself because I was essentially coming back home to my vessel. 

I was coming back home to a body I was so disconnected from cuz it had gone through so much trauma. So doing these meditations just really allowed me to get back into my body, build a relationship with myself, and listen to the cues of my body. Like I was so disconnected from my body that I didn’t even know when I was anxious. I didn’t know when I was depressed. I didn’t even know when I had to use the bathroom. Frankly speaking, it was pretty bad. So, I did body scan meditations for years, like about 2 years of consistently waking up and getting in touch with every single aspect of my body. And this allowed the first step of my healing journey. 

After I started beginning to do this sober, I realized that when I was smoking and I did these body scan meditations, like when I was smoking, it would introduce this other layer of release that I didn’t even know was possible. Funny enough, Malala just posted a post recently that was like a bong rip changed my life. And I think I know what she’s talking about cuz basically pot allows you to go into your subconscious, into your psyche in a way that is pretty incredible. It really lets you dive deep into things that you have been suppressing.

And because I already had the tools to sit with my body, sit with the sensations in each part of my body, I was able to translate those tools while doing it high. And when I was doing it high, the release that I would get from concentrating on the various muscles in my body that were holding tension was like tenfold from doing it sober. And honestly, this somatic release that I’m able to do when smoking. Again, I was only smoking like really good quality, clean organic indica. You have to be careful cuz there’s some wacky shit in the kush these days. I never did dap pens,  none of that. It was always a really clean organic flower.

 Um, but it essentially allows you to like very spiritually connect to your body in a very beautiful way and release a lot of things that are trapped inside of you. And it’s one of the reasons why I don’t want to fully quit smoking. I do eventually want to get back into it with a new mindset and just use it as a tool that I lean on maybe every once in a while, but not to the extent that I was doing it before. Because before, even if I was using it intentionally to somatically release, if I wasn’t doing that though, I was just smoking this really strong indica for the entire day and that was just not good for me. It turned me into a zombie. So, when I was using it properly, yeah, it helped. But for the most part, I wasn’t. But that’s a little bit of a side note. But what I’m trying to get at is I needed to first just build a relationship with my body. And a lot of that was done through the body scan meditations. And again, a lot of it was done while smoking and getting high and going deep into the crevices of my body and the areas that were holding all of this tension and releasing it. But on top of that, I also just started to dance more.

Dancing for me was a really big deal because, again, I mean, culturally speaking, I really wasn’t allowed to do things like dance growing up. It was really looked down upon. I would be shamed so much. So even just moving my body, allowing my body to take up space in a way that it wasn’t allowed to do before, it signaled to me that I’m safe now. 

And speaking of safety, somatic release, I believe, is only really able to be done when you’re finally in a safe space. SoI don’t know if I would have been able to do all of this work if I was still living at home with people who caused me the trauma to begin with. Like I needed to get into a safe space to start. But outside of dancing and meditating and body scan meditations, all of that good stuff, I also would just do like very light stretches. Like I used to feel so uncomfortable even just touching my toes. I had such an uncomfortable relationship with my body. I just was so disconnected to it. So even just touching my toes was really hard. But every single day I would force myself to like 5 seconds touch my toes. Then I switched to 10, then 15, then 20. And slowly increasing that threshold allowed me to again come back home to my body.

So, those are some free things that I did to get back into my body. But I will say the crux of my healing came from acupuncture. Acupuncture is the reason why I was able to stop smoking. I will probably say like 80% of the reason why. Because what acupuncture did was release muscles in my body that were so stuck, so tense, like since I was probably four or 5 years old. I don’t know if I would have been ever been able to release those muscles without that outside help. Like it was mandatory for me. So essentially what she did was she’d poke different areas of my body that I said was holding stress. Specifically my womb area. If you’re a woman or just someone with a womb, you have a lot of crap in there. Our wombs carry so much pain, so much trauma. It’s why PMS is even a thing. It’s because we suppress so much of our feelings throughout the month and then before our periods, like our body just wants to explode with all of that shit that we suppressed.

So acupuncture basically allowed me to help release some of that all everything I was burying deep inside of me. So these needles would go into these different areas of my body and then she’d basically clamp this thing and this thing was attached to like this rod that was attached to a machine and basically the machine would turn on and electricity would flow through and once the electricity flowed through my muscles started to bubble. None of it was painful. Honestly, it was a very interesting sensation. It felt like a knot that was being released after decades. And it was essentially like my nervous system was running a marathon. So after these appointments, I would be exhausted. I needed so much self-care in order for me to recover from these appointments. Like I would always have a really hearty soup after. I’d take a nap. I put on a show. I would just really really take care of myself because essentially what was happening was all of that stress and tension that my body had been holding on to since I was a very young girl, it was finally being released like basically forcefully because someone was literally poking into that tension, turning on electricity and electrocuting my pain away lmao. 

So that was so like I don’t know what I would have done without that type of healing in my life. I’m very privileged. A lot of it was covered by my benefits from work. But if you can afford it, I highly recommend you find a great acupuncturist. You can also try things like massage therapy. I find that acupuncture is actually more  beneficial for me in my opinion between the two. But I also have heard of things called craniosacrology which focuses on the back of your head and near your brain stem area and near your brain stem is where a lot of your survival mechanisms are. So if you can do some craniosacrology basically what it does it helps release a lot of that fight or flight that’s stuck near your brain stem. It’s pretty incredible. Peter A. Levine is a really great resource for somatic release. He basically describes in detail how these memories get stuck inside of our body and he also has some really great practical tools on how to reorient yourself.

Things like moving your head slowly side to side,  rebalancing your gravitational center through different movements. Highly recommend his book In An Unspoken Voice. That was one of my starting points for somatic release and just getting some knowledge on how to do all of this.

So yeah, get that trauma out of you because I was essentially smoking as much as I was smoking because I had all of this pain inside of me and I didn’t know what to do with it because it was so so so buried deep. And walking in everyday life sober with this pain inside of me was just next to impossible. Like I needed to get high in order to handle all of this crap that was buried buried deep. So releasing all of that crap allowed me to also let go of pot. So somatic release, release your trauma, get in touch with your body, build a relationship with your body.

Your body is a little warrior. It has gone through so much. And allow it to rest. Give it grace. Give it love. Give it nourishment. And it will be easier to let go of the pot. Speaking of nourishment, next up is diet. So, I’ve been on a pretty anti-inflammatory diet for a really long time, probably since 2021, because I was having so many issues with my period and I was getting sick of it. I was like, “What is going on here?”

And I realized that a lot of my issues were due to diet. I was literally a chicken fingers and Krispy Creme  girl, which I am not against to this day. Of course not. Indulge in your chicken fingers. Indulge in your Krispy Cremes. But that was like my standard diet. So that was seriously affecting my hormones. It was affecting my skin. It was affecting my PMS. I was unwell. And it’s because I was not getting the proper nutrients. I wasn’t getting my B vitamins. I wasn’t getting my iron,  I was not eating the rainbow. That is for sure. There were no vegetables in my diet. So now I live a very anti-inflammatory diet and that includes a lot of ginger and turmeric in my cooking. I avoid seed oils. Um I try to get everything that’s oiled in like avocado oil or olive oil and things like that. I stick to very organic meat, things that don’t have a lot of antibiotics and things like that inside of them.

My diet also includes a lot of complex carbs. I stick away from like white bread and things like that, although I do of course always indulge every now and again. Refined sugars as well. I stick away from them. I like to use things like cane sugar, maple syrup, honey, and then I also just drink a lot of herbal teas like lemon ginger. Um, I like chamomile. Basically, teas that allow your body to to detox and restore itself. Burdock is a really good one as well. So, yeah, every single one of my meals always has a veggie, always has a healthy carb, always has at least 30 g of protein, has a healthy fat like avocado or olive oil. Um, and then I always try to add in any type of anti-inflammatory ingredient like ginger, turmeric. 

On top of that, I also take a good amount of supplements. I didn’t used to, but I’ve just been finding that it really helps me. My two non-negotiables though out of all the supplements I take are omega-3, number one.

Take your omega-3 guys. There were literally studies that showed that between two groups of prison inmates, the group of prison inmates that were taking the omega-3 were significantly less aggressive. It just really helps with mood and also prevents dementia. Take your omega-3s. (or eat lots of sardines, chia seeds & walnuts).

And then my other non-negotiable is magnesium glycinate. I need to take that before bed because it really helps with again muscle tension. And otherwise I wake up in a really weird like rigor mortise situation. I need my magnesium glycinate. And then most recently I started taking l-theanine in the morning and uh with l-tyrosine. L-theanine  is great for just calming you down. However, I have been finding it’s making me a little bit drowsy. Uh so I might switch to taking that at night. Uh but l-tyrosine is great for concentration and just motivation as well. So, I’ve included that  into my mornings. Again, on an empty stomach, you don’t want to be eating that with food cuz it can give you an upset stomach. 

And then I also have a collagen powder, which I know I originally started taking for like my hair, nails, and skin, but I honestly just find like I feel better since taking it. Like, I I don’t know what it is, but I I just feel good. So, I take a collagen powder, and then with that, I make sure to have a lot of vitamin C, cuz vitamin C helps absorb all of these nutrients. Um, you also want to be getting your B complex vitamins, uh, which can affect your mental health if you’re not getting enough of them. So, whole grains, leafy greens. Um, and then iron is also really important if you eat meat, things like organ meat is great, but you can also get iron from beans and dark leafy greens as well. 

So, like that’s like the body aspect. Like first you just want to get in touch with your body, especially if you’ve been disconnected from it for so long. And then you want to be nourishing your body in a really intentional way as well. And again, that’s not to say you cut out every single thing that brings you joy. It just means that the majority of your diet should be relatively healthy. And then yeah, let yourself indulge every now and again because we all go crazy if we don’t. 

Learning to cook is a really important aspect of that as well. Um because then you can intentionally put all of those ingredients into everything you’re making. Um, bowls are a very simple thing for me. You know, you have your brown rice, you have some veggies, and you have your protein. You call it a day, toss some olive oil on it. Boom.

But yeah, so nourish your body, take care of your body. It’s very important before you even attempt to quit smoking pot. 

And now I want to move into God. I feel like God and like higher powers and things like that, it might trigger you, especially if you have a lot of religious trauma. And look, I relate. I grew up Muslim, and I’m not saying every single person who grows up Muslim has the same story as me, but for me, it was a little bit intense. Um, again, my parents tried their best to explain something that I don’t even think they fully understand themselves. Lool, God bless them. But they raised me really really well in the sense that I like maybe it’s not the religion that I follow now, but the spirituality of it and like having a connection to God is something that I very much did take away. 

Like my dad anytime he saw something beautiful, he’d always be like, “Wow, look how marvelous God’s creation is. Look how marvelous the detail is in all of this.” And that also just allowed me to really see God in everything and everyone and in myself even and just know that in my darkest moments there is something, someone of a higher power with me. And just having this higher power is like a blanket for me, a comfort. It’s also like a tenant in AA, you know, you let go and you let God. But basically like I’ve been very isolated my whole life. It’s only when I started to get very very close to my spirituality, to knowing that like I’m not alone and every single thing that I do has an effect on the greater consciousness and realizing this has really allowed me to continue. It’s given me strength to know that I can do hard things.

 If I didn’t have God or belief in a higher power or any sense of spirituality, it would be very difficult for me to quit smoking pot because the emotions and the physical symptoms, the mental symptoms, like all of that would be very hard. Like at that point, we talk a lot about raw dogging life. Without God, I feel like you’re raw dogging sobriety. Like I need something to lean on. And I know for some people that can also obviously be a tangible community of people and family and friends and that is so beautiful.

Um, and if you have that, please lean on that. Internet communities as well, those are very much valid too. Lean on that. Absolutely. But I know that a lot of people don’t have that. A lot of people don’t have people that they can lean on. So, if that’s the case for you, um I I would highly recommend just diving into some sense of spirituality.

Again, you don’t need to dedicate yourself to religion by any means. I don’t really believe in religion. I just believe in just I don’t I don’t think that everything was just a coincidence, you know? I like to believe that we are all moving towards some type of consciousness that will eventually resolve the fuckery of this world. I don’t know. But I believe in God and God has really really helped me move forward. It’s allowed me to just take a deep breath, relax, and know that everything’s going to be okay. There’s a big guy up there watching over me.

Okay. And number four is mindset. So I did a lot of reprogramming on my brain. Um even when I was smoking, I was always reprogramming my brain. I did a lot of this through affirmation work as well. Like I would listen to people on Spotify.

And basically like the people who were doing those like really intense affirmations and I just have it in my ear all the time. Like and so I’d have people saying to me all day constantly,  “I’m doing a good job. I’m going to get through my hard times. There’s abundance waiting for me. Uh God is with me” and so forth.

Just like these really beautiful messages that kept me going. And when I stopped listening to those affirmations eventually my own inner voice became like that because my inner voice was severely damaged. I used to be extremely hard on myself and everything that I did was just coded with a sense of shame. So going into this journey of not smoking, like having such a kind, loving voice in my brain was integral for me to make sure I didn’t stop to make sure I didn’t shame myself into smoking again because like I understand having an addiction in of itself is not something that we want to wear as like a badge of honor. But I had a lot of grace for myself. I was like, “Girl, like you’ve been through so much in your life. Like what else were you going to do besides smoke pot every day, honestly?” And so just having that type of grace for myself allowed me to just be like, yeah, like it is going to be hard, but I can do it and it’s okay.

Like anything that comes up, it’s okay. All of the the angst, the hurt, the pain that will come up like that is a natural part of the process. It will be difficult. So also mentally preparing myself for the difficulty that I was going to get into. But I just knew that however ugly it was going to get, I was going to be there for myself. And I was not going to give up because I knew that I could do it. And it’s because I built this like inner voice in my head that’s essentially like my own cheerleader.

Like I will not let myself down anymore because I have such a profound sense of love for myself. I am on my side. I’m not against me. And it’s also Easy Way to Quit Smoking by Alan Carr also has a great quote that essentially says if you do things just out of sheer willpower, it’s going to be so difficult. But if you change your identity, if you change the person who’s doing these actions, then it’s going to be a lot easier. You’re not someone who’s forcing yourself to quit. You’re someone who loves yourself so much. And so you’re trying to enter a new journey.

You’re trying to enter a new timeline, a new life. And it’s out of love. It’s out of grace. It’s out of forgiveness out of yourself. So, none of this is done out of shame. None of this is done out of judgment. It’s just like life has been hard and now you’re trying to do some new shit. And good for you. And I and I have been so proud of myself and congratulate yourself for the little wins. Like even if you mess up and go back and start smoking again, like you need to have grace. You need to have forgiveness for yourself. You are trying your best. It’s your first time on this planet Earth as well and nobody really knows what they’re doing honestly. So like no one you’re not doing life wrong. You’re just doing it the way that you’ve known how to do it and it’s just a matter of figuring out a new way that works better. That’s going to get you to the place that you actually want to be at. 

So yeah, those are essentially my four tips. Get in touch with your body, get your diet right, have a connection to God, and make sure you are kind to yourself. And those four things, without them I don’t know if I would have been able to quit smoking. And I needed this foundation first and foremost in order to even attempt to think about quitting smoking. But there’s also a whole bunch of other things that I can get into as well. 

So I’ll probably make some more episodes. But those are the four core tenants of what has even allowed me to put down the pot. But yeah, I love you guys so much. Please take care of yourself. None of this is easy. Go easy on yourself, okay? 

Like I can’t stress this enough. Have love for yourself. Please, please, please, please. Okay, take care. Bye.